One of the things that really confuses lots of people about self confidence is how some resourceful people lack self confidence while some people who have much less resources are more confident.
Why would a rich man feel inferior and why would a poor man feel confident?
Why would a successful man feel like a loser and why would a complete loser feel like a winner??
you were born confident!!!
Contrary to common beliefs there are no people who were born with lack of self confidence but there are those who were born confident then learned how not to be confident!!
All children are born confident; they even think that they are the center of the world and that everybody is there to serve them. Self centered people are those who failed to move on from the stage of thinking that they are the center of the world to the stage where they know that they live among other humans.
A child can keep trying to do the same thing for hours without losing hope, without feeling desperate and without losing confidence. A child might fall hundreds of times before he learns how to walk and still he won’t lose hope. A baby may try to fix a broken doll for tens of times without feeling bored or sad.
So why do we lose hope as grown ups and why do we lack self confidence as grown ups although we were confident children?
It’s because we learn how not to be confident!! We were taught how to lose hope and how to become afraid before we try something new.
Self confidence and the belief system.
We all build our beliefs about the world as we grow up and even though at the age of globalization the media attempts to create universal beliefs in people’s minds still each person ends up with his set of unique beliefs about the world.
If a girl believes that she must be extremely beautiful in order to be worthy then she would never become self confident if she had average looks. On the other hand if a girl with average looks either believed that she looks good or either believed that looks are only one item in the whole package then she will feel more confident than the other girl even if she was less attractive than her.
So how to become self confident?
In order to become self confident you need to do one of two things:
- change your beliefs about the resources
- acquire the resources that you lack.
The important question is, when do you do the first option and when the second?
If for example you were too shy to talk to strangers or to even socialize with your peers then certainly any attempt to change your beliefs or to convince yourself that you are good that way would be considered self deception. In such a case its clear that you should work on acquiring the resources that you lack.
And what if you were a perfectionist who believes that he must do everything perfectly in order to become worthy? In such a case it’s clear that the problem is not with your resources but it’s with your belief system and working on changing your belief system in such a case is the right way to build your self confidence.
In order to gain self confidence you need to realize the fact that you learned to become insecure when you grow up, so that your subconscious mind becomes open to the idea of rebuilding your confidence
How to gain self confidence the right way
Instead of saying I want to build my self confidence or gain self confidence say I want to rebuild my self confidence or I want to regain my self confidence.
The best way you can regain your self confidence is removing those false ideas you learned throughout your life.
No one but you is stopping you from achieving what you want to accomplish. It’s time to identify the areas in which you doubt yourself and remove those barriers.
Find your limits by exposing yourself to different situations and pushing through the uncomfortable. Once you have confidence in yourself, you’ll be amazed what you can accomplish.
Recognize that your memory does not always provide you with accurate information. For example if you have low self-esteem, your brain tends to store information that confirms your lack of confidence. That will be all you remember about a specific event. You could think about the facts of a memory loaded with self-limiting beliefs and try to gain a more accurate, more positive, perspective on the event. Talk with others that might have a different perspective.
Be positive, because the way you talk to yourself influences your neurobiological response to it. When you say, I know what to do here or see things as a challenge rather than a problem, you’ve turned your response into a positive one.
Think about your worst fear. Spend time with it. Now make your fear worse by getting closer to it. Imagine the worst that could happen. Now focus on your breathing. Feel your body relax. See, you didn’t die, did you? You’re on your way to conquering your fear.
Gaining self confidence might prevent depression
Confident people can also get depressed and depression can be the result of lack of self confidence but depression itself results from becoming indifferent towards solving a life problem that is bothering you. This indifference can send a signal to your subconscious mind telling it that hope is lost and that’s why it responds with depression.
If you gain more self confidence in your abilities you won’t lose hope fast but instead you will do your best to solve your life problems and so depression will be less likely to attack you.